Friday, February 22, 2013

America's Actual Team

Driving home in the snow today.
Michigan really does love being a weather bastard.
At least the Red Cedar froze.
There is a Castaway-esque raft that I'm def gon snag.

Freshman year I developed an interest in the NBA.
Not like my love for baseball, football, or college basketball.
But a curiosity.

I'd always loved the grittiness of the "GuaranSheed"-era Pistons, but they suck ass now.
At least Andre Drummond is a goddamn G.
I have to find different teams to at least support come playoffs.
So when the trade deadline passed yesterday I found one series of trades very special.
The Houston Rockets became America's Actual Team.
Given it's a ridiculous stretch, I'd give you a simple example.
Just look at their starting lineup:

PG: Jeremy Lin, the Asian-American superstar-turned-slightly-above-average player that was able to handle that humbling transition (in the glare of the entire fucking global media) like a champ.
SG: James Harden, the man with the greatest beard this side of Rick Ross who also happens to be damn good at basketball.
SF: Chandler Parsons, the whitest man with the whitest name playing fucking small forward in the NBA & being good enough that even Kobe notices:
I'm not into white pride or any of that Alabama bullshit but I think every white American dude would back me up in saying...Thank you, Chandler.
PF: Thomas Robinson, who just got offloaded from a team stacked with fucktards & continues the fascinating tradition of black guys coming out of Kansas.
C: Omer Asik, the Turkish-born center who actually plays defense in the NBA & could certainly kick Enes Kanter's ass in a fight.
Sixth Man: Carlos Defino, who is still apparently alive & has the distinction of being that "other international asshole" from the infamous Darko draft. Too bad, since he's still a damn good shooter.

Houston is not likely to do much in the playoffs, but who knows.
America loves an underdog.
I'd love nothing more than to see this collection of young badasses dominate the West.
Fuck Canadians.

Oh, and one last thing.
Are you having a bad day?
Maybe made a bad decision?

You could still run a multi-million dollar franchise better than the entire Maloof family.


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