Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Art of Bullshitting

If a class doesn't take attendance, no one will show up until the day before an exam.
It's a universal law, and I make damn sure to follow the law.
So, just noticing how much of a sausage fest this particular Econ class is.
Guess women didn't get turned on by the Economics of Public Expenditures as much as I thought.

There is one particular art form that isn't taught in any school.
It's not beautiful art by any means, but it's still pretty damn advanced.
I am of course talking about the Art of Bullshitting.

People are dickheads in general and will tend to lie to you quite a bit.
They will also maliciously deceive you for your personal loss. 
That's not bullshitting.
There is criteria that has to be met for an act to be considering "bullshitting":
  1. It must be a distortion of the truth without long-term consequences.
  2. It must be only for personal gain, not with ulterior motives to make someone look like a shithead or to harm someone else's life.
  3. If bullshitting is being done to buy time, the bullshitter must have the skill to complete whatever is needed within the time bought.
  4. Double jeopardy: You can't bullshit about the same thing twice. It will be called out immediately. 
Those are just some basic rules.
Doing it well takes a near mastery of rhetorical skills.
If done wrong, you're just going to look like a lying shithead.
Everyone hates lying shitheads.

But isn't bullshitting immoral?
Distorting reality for personal gain, regardless if others are affected or not, shouldn't be encouraged.
But I'm not an absolutist.
There are certain times where allowing "reality" to dictate fate is not only harmful for you, but to others.
Hell, it's been engrained by our forefathers!
If you get stopped by the police while walking back drunk from a party, you could just accept the MIP (my feelings on MIPs is a different story).
Or you can give T. Jefferson some props and know your rights.

Your right to bullshit your way out of trouble, courtesy of the fourth amendment.

Now, there is an important caveat.
The more you bullshit, the less successful you will be.
At some point your lack of general skill will show through.
Perversion of an ancient artform does not go unpunished, and you will be bestowed a title nearly impossible to shake:
Pathological Liar
Or just "what a fucking loser!"
People aren't that fucking stupid, and they can figure out eventually that maybe you are just an incompetent shithead.

Don't be an incompetent shithead.


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