Friday, June 22, 2012

Shout-Out to the People Who Facilitated 17 Months of Hell

Sorry for the little break in posts.
Been rather busy on another little project.
It might suck ass, but I'm young.
It's badass to try what you want.

In about an hour I'm going to the orientation for my new job.
I'll be managing people, cuz I'm a fucking boss.
However, this means my days as a delivery driver are almost over.
In light of that, I'd like to say goodbye to some of my favorite (read: hated) customers:

  • Kid who lives on the 12th floor of Hubbard. Fucking sit in the lobby so people don't have to look like perverts staring at the people coming out of the elevator.
  • Person 10 miles away yet doesn't tip. Fuck you.
  • Kid who wanted me to buy him K2. Because becoming an accomplice to his drug-induced death is a dream of mine.
  • Black chicks from Detroit who live in Chandlers. LEARN HOW TO FUCKING TIP. That's totes not racist, btw.
  • The guy who answered his door once with only boxers hanging from his dick. The 5$ tip doesn't  erase the nightmarish memory.
  • Those who attempted to prostitute themselves for pizza/fried chicken. Like, why?
  • House of Asian guys who always made their order name "Willis" and "Lil' Richtie." Black people hate you.
  • The chick in Collegetown who bitched everyday to my face about food I didn't prepare. Yet she still ordered every fucking day.
  • People who live at KnifePointe (I'm sorry, Chandler's Crossing now). Someone has legitimately been murdered there. I'm not moving in no matter how many of my utilities are covered.
  • People who don't have numbers on the front of their houses. Hipsters fucking suck.
  • Douche who doesn't fix his doorbell. It takes like 5 minutes asshole and saves me the trouble of cops wondering why I'm just chilling on someone's porch.
  • Anyone who didn't tip. Fuck you.

My main theory in life is that the tipping ability of a person is the best measurement of their character.
Still haven't been proven wrong.

My theories kick ass.


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