Saturday, June 9, 2012

21 Things I Wish I'd Known Earlier

Excited to finally drink tonight.
It's been a while.
Alcohol is a cold bitch but always up for a good time.
Who am I to refuse her?

Just some things I wish I'd known earlier in life.
Thanks for telling me, assholes.

#1: High school actually sucks ass. Movies lie.
#2: Crazy is contagious. Do not befriend crazy.
#3: Music festivals are hot, annoying, and smell like urine. Burning your money in a pit is a better idea and much less likely to lead to drug addiction.
#4: Don't trust people who use the phrase "it's cool". Always pulling some shit.
#5: Prepare to lose your money, your possessions, and your dignity in PCB. Still go though, don't be a pussy.
#6: Seattle is fucking terrible.
#7: No one gives a shit if come in as a sophomore when you're still a freshman. You still suck ass.
#8: Don't drink with people who have too much goddamn free time.
#9: Don't accept joints from random strangers on a dorm stoop. Doesn't end well.
#10: If you're male and still post self-pictures on Facebook, enjoy virginity.
#11: Never, ever, ever use a frat house bathroom under any circumstances. Ever.
#12: The "cool dude" who skipped all his classes freshman year? He's working the night shift at Applebee's whilst living with his parents. His future doesn't look much better.
#13: Who the fuck still listens to Nickleback?
#14: Dane Cook, like Adam Sandler, gets shittier with age.
#15: TLC is the most hilarious case of ironic naming.
#16: Don't use the word irony too much. Becoming a hipster is the first step in ensuring human devolution.
#17: White rappers are God's gift to comedy.
#18: Don't be a telemarketer. You'll hate your life and so will hundreds of strangers.
#19: Douchebags don't generally change.
#20: People are usually just as fucking stupid as your dumbass.

And, of course, #21: If you haven't figured out how to not be creepy by your mid-20's, get some fucking therapy.


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