Thursday, May 24, 2012

Douchebag 101, Part I

The Tigers are beyond infuriating.
My main source of stress.
I blame the Mayans.

Anyways, let's start today with something that was particularly important to last year:
How to deal with douchebags.
I lived with 44 of them (to be fair, I'm one too).
This is a skill that is curiously left out of school curriculums.
That's a damn shame.
Few things are more important to learn.
I'll give a crash course, part by part.
Today's lesson:
How to tell a dick from a critic.

An important distinction needs to be made between douchebags and legitimate evaluators.
While our brains absorb all the shit that comes our way, you're constantly told something to the effect of "don't listen to it, live your life the way you want to."
That's the wrong thing to say.
Like everything else in life, balance is essential to not becoming an unproductive jackass.
The key is listening to the right criticism.

Social norms are a fundamental building block of human progress.
Rebelling against those norms is just as important.
It's the way our collective history has worked since the rise of civilization.
Taboos, despite their bad rap, have a purpose.
Or do you want that creepy fucker wearing just a trench coat in the corner of the club to be socially accepted?
I'm not female, but I'm pretty sure "FUCK NO" would be the right answer.

The problem is that we rebel against the wrong norms and tolerate the wrong norms.
This is because the wrong people are listened to.

So, who's the right critic?
It's different for all of us.
It's up to you to decide who has achieved the respect and experience necessary to give you the necessary shit.
I can tell you who the fuck's opinion not to take in consideration, however:

  • Anyone who is in high school. High schoolers know jackshit.
  • Anyone who has not shown you or your possessions respect. Fuck them, they have no place in your life.
  • Anyone who has not themselves achieved anything notable. Largest category; you'll find this crosses off quite a few dickwagons.
  • Anyone who has no way of speaking without criticizing. They might be right, but they also lack any sort of social courtesy. Forget about them.
  • Oh, and anyone from middle school. Jesus, you seriously get depressed from a kid who thinks the word "boobs" is still giggle-worthy? Have some fucking self-respect.
This is admittedly a short list.
I'm just bullshitting around here, but I'd take a guess that about 95% of shit-givers out there shouldn't be listened to.
While they may occasionally hit on something you should actually work on, the signal-to-noise ratio on that is fucking ridiculous.
There is one situation, however, in which criticism must be heeded:
If you're creeping on a girl and your (female) friend tells you as much, stop fucking creeping!
Or you can enjoy your fake phone number and lost reputation.

Instead, listen to those select few who actually have something important that you should change.
This is a personal choice.
Only you know who has suggestions that actually make a positive impact in your life.

One last thing:
At the end of the day, there is only one opinion about yourself that actually matters:

Unless you're being a fucking creep.


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